Posted on: 14 July, 2002
Author: Rhoberta Shaler
Is your mind your greatest asset? Do you suffer from ... the mouth? That is the malady that occurs when the ... before the mind engages! You may work with ... There is Is your mind your greatest asset? Do you suffer from malpracticeof the mouth? That is the malady that occurs when the mouthenrages before the mind engages! You may work with someoneafflicted! There is no room in the workplace for verbal violence. None! Itis inappropriate, unacceptable, and, definitely, unprofessional.No allowances for verbal violence should be made for educatedand mentally competent adults in positions of authority. NONE! Folks who yell and curse (and some who add obscenities) areusing their words in the same way they would use their fists. Itis no more sophisticated. It is both a sign of lack of skillsand a symptom of unmanaged frustration. They need help--help toexpress their feelings and their need for control appropriately. Should providing this help be the responsibility of theorganization? That is an important question. Employees who aredoing an excellent job in most areas are the consideration,aren't they? They are valuable and they have a 'people skills'gap. The good news is that people skills can be taught. The badnews is that some folks do not want to learn them. So, the firstassessment that must be made is the willingness of the employeeto examine and improve their skills. No number of training hourscan make a person change. A few years ago, I was delivering a program on managingdifficult people successfully. As this is a program I oftendeliver, some agencies regularly sent folks to it. One womanappeared in the course three times in three years. At one break,she complained to me, "I just don't know why they keep sendingme on this silly course. I know it by heart. It's a waste oftheir money." Well, I knew why she was there. She was the'difficult person' and she just would not internalize theinformation being given to her. You know, we may all be someoneelse's idea of a difficult person at times. This woman was theposter child. She was bright enough. She was able to grasp theconcepts, but, she simply would not apply them to herself.Perhaps, she is still being sent to that same course...and stillcomplaining about it! Confrontation is not a 'four letter' word. Neither should itemploy certain four letter words. To confront simply means tomeet face-to-face. A confrontation adds the dynamic of differingopinions. It is possible to have a conversational confrontationwhen folks have skills and willingness. Verbal violence is most often a scream for attention, amisguided demand for respect or an attempt to exert control. Allthree come from fear. Certainly, you can understand those fears,however, two things must happen to make the workplace safe. Theviolator must change his or her ways, and, the violated mustexpress their boundaries. Verbal violence is clearly harassment.It has no place in the workplace. Yes, every now and then,mistakes are made, tempers flare and apologies are accepted.That goes with the territory of being human. It is when verbalviolence is a management style that steps must be taken. Whetheryou are managing other folks or managing your personal life,violence leads to alienation, the very thing the violator isseeking most to avoid! First things first. If you are the violator, stop! Step awayand reflect on your needs for attention, respect and control.Are they healthy? Are they serving you well? Are theyappropriate in this circumstance? If not, find help. If you arethe violated, remember, anytime that you take their bait andparticipate in the verbal violence loop, you are letting themget away with it. Anytime you cower and retreat, you are alsoletting them get away with it. Simply say that you find thetreatment unacceptable and that you are willing to have theconversation when it can be done in a respectful dialogue andmove away. Yes, I know that sounds simple and is not alwayseasy. It's your first step. Also tell the violator that, ifchange does not occur, your next step is to inform a higherauthority of the verbal violence, the harassment. Then, do it.+++ Remember, you are responsible for teaching people how totreat you...everywhere. Article Tags: Verbal Violence Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com