Posted on: 17 February, 2002
Author: Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
When you choose your partner and commence a ... you look forward to a future of love, ... ... and ... Right? After all, youare in love and you're When you choose your partner and commence a full-timerelationship, you look forward to a future of love, support,encouragement, communication and intimacy. Right? After all, youare in love and you're both on your best behaviour--so how couldthere be any problems?Learning how to establish and maintain a loving, supportiverelationship is much like creating a beautiful garden. It takesinformation, planning, thought, skill, time, and most of all,attention. Like many gardeners, you learn your skills and stylesfrom your parents, close friends and relatives. You watch themfrom the time you are little. They teach you both your roles in arelationship, and how to play them, through their example. Thishappens in every family and much of the teaching is unintentionaland unconscious. Many of you did not like what you saw and, yet,in your poorest moments, you may behave just that way. In angry,tense times, you revert to the ways you learned in those earlydays! No wonder your relationships provide you with challengesthat cause you to forget the "honeymoon" period sometimes!The good news is that you can learn how to have a full, rich,loving relationship that allows each partner to express his/herthoughts, feelings, wants, needs and vulnerabilities AND FEELCOMPLETELY SAFE!! You can learn to be assertive (not aggressive)and to collaborate with your partners. You can learn to listenwith your minds and hearts. You can learn to fight fair andresolve conflicts equitably and sanely. You can learn to valueand acknowledge both yourself and your partner. You can learn tospeak from your hearts and be safe. You can learn to ask for whatyou need and want. You can learn to love more fully. You canlearn to DEEPEN your love. It may take some unlearning, releasinghabits, fears and beliefs that are blocks to experiencing andexpressing love but YOURE WORTH IT!Remember, too, that you are teaching your children how to have arelationship by the way you are conducting yours. What would youlike them to learn? What are you showing them every day?Healthy relationships allow you to fully express yourself andfully expand your capacity to love. Remember, most of yourrelationship skills are caught, not taught. So, if yourrelationship is not what you know it could be, there IS a remedy.You can learn new ways--if you are willing and you really wantto. What is it worth to you?If love, acceptance, approval, respect, safety, trust, honesty,integrity, and wholeness are what you want in your life, begin bygiving these things to yourself now so that you will have thosegifts to bring to your relationships. You cannot give a gift youdo not have, can you? Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com