Posted on: 14 July, 2002
Author: Rhoberta Shaler
"Thank you." So good to hear. So simple to say. So, why are somany folks longing to hear it?There is little that goes further towards ... than a genuine 'Thank you." You know that. "Thank you." So good to hear. So simple to say. So, why are somany folks longing to hear it?There is little that goes further towards improvingrelationships than a genuine 'Thank you." You know that. Why,then, do so many folks have difficulty with it?Are we moving too quickly to notice what others do for us? Do wejust expect so much that we fail to acknowledge the littlethings? Is there some small part of us that refuses to give whatwe're not getting?You have probably heard "It's part of your/his/her job. It'syour responsibility. " Sure, it may be. Does that mean that itdoes not deserve acknowledgment? You can bet it would beacknowledged if it was not done!At home, we often take each other for granted. We 'expect'. Wesay things like, "If you really loved me, you would _______."Those are expectations delivered in a bartering mode. Where isthe appreciation for what they do? Do you expect that thegarbage will go out or the dishes will be put away? Why? Becauseit's their job? How about saying 'Thank you'? Everyone likesrecognition for the things they do. It's a very easy habit toacquire.Ever lived with teenagers? The easiest way to engage them is tocatch them doing something right. That means saying 'Thank you'when they do it, too. If you think this is too easy, try it fora month. Tell them what you see that you like, what you likeabout what they are doing/wearing hinking. Forget about addinganything about what you don't like. You'll see the relationshipchange positively. Still sound too easy? Try it!Simply look and you'll find many things each day worthy ofacknowledgment. Stop and appreciate what IS being done foryou...and, say so.William James, the great American psychologist, said, "Thedeepest principle in human nature is the craving to beappreciated." Is there a part of you that longs to be seen,recognized and acknowledged? Every person feels better when theyare appreciated.Let's not be too busy, or too important, to stop, see, andacknowledge the contributions of others. And, once is notenough. Each time the garbage is taken out or the report ishanded in, each time they bring you coffee or extend themselveson your behalf, say 'Thank you'.There is another side to appreciation. It is equally asimportant as recognition. William James calls it wisdom. Hesays, "The art of being wise is the art of knowing what tooverlook." Ah! That's worth thinking about, isn't it?Do you know what to overlook and when to overlook it? That canonly happen when you step outside of yourself, your needs andwants, and see another person wholly. When you can calibratewhat is most important at any given moment in a relationship,you are very wise.Often, when I am working with workplace teams, conflict is worstwhen folks do not know what to overlook. When tempers flare andapproaches differ, nitpicking escalates. When deadlines loom andfunding fails, fingers point. A wise person takes a step backand looks at the whole picture. What is happening here? What dowe want to happen? What outcomes do we want this exchange tocreate? This is the time to focus on appreciation and follow itwith team problem-solving.The same is true in all relationships. If things are gettingtense, reflect on the last time you felt appreciated. Moreimportantly, when was the last time you found something toappreciate in another? This could well be at the bottom of theanger, frustration, fear or hurt that you are feeling. You canfix this with good communication and assertion skills.Start with yourself. Give first. Demanding to receive when theother person is feeling empty will only escalate the negatives.Whoever is most sane at the moment in any relationship is theone responsible for that relationship. Let that be you.Appreciation is never wasted. Find things to acknowledge. Noticewhat others do well. Catch them doing things right. Notice whatothers do for you. Offer your thanks. You'll feel better. And,very soon, it will come back to you. I promise. Article Tags: Never Wasted Source: Free Articles from ArticlesFactory.com